The idea of magazines and television shows being pure was something that must have happened before my time, but that doesn’t mean the purist in me isn’t suffering. Reality television flooding family rooms around the globe proving nothing but the idiocy of mankind, magazines with titles pertaining to nothing in their content, and music television with no music. When did ridiculousness become more important than rocks stars providing us with stolen music we put on our i-everythings? Maybe I am nostalgic for earlier times I never experienced, or maybe we have it all wrong.
Step 1) Make sure you get the guy who will score the most points.
You only have one chance to get the guy who scores the most points. Here’s how you can do it…random luck. If you get the first pick in the draft (if the draft is a regular draft and not an auction draft) then you have a great opportunity to choose the player who will score the most points. If you are participating in an auction draft, then pay the most money to get the best player. If you are in a room with all the other guys in the league who will also be drafting, then you can research ways to blackmail all of them. You can then blackmail the guy who is given the first pick. What he will then do, because he is being blackmailed, is graciously and unsuspiciously turn the first pick over to you and you will then have a great opportunity to pick up the player who will score the most points.
But wait, you are in the middle of saying to me, “What if I have no way of knowing who will score the most points?”
If you’re one of the many young people who grew up playing video games and have not decided to eschew them in pursuit of an “adult life” then you, my friend, are in luck. This week has brought us many promising new adventures in the video game world and I want to talk about a few of them. Note: These are only three of the many promising games shown at E3 and they are all multiplayer, first-person shooters. I personally prefer these types of games which is why I am focusing on them specifically.
You know exactly what I am talking about.
You’ve seen the Samsung Galaxy Note 2 when walking through the mobile department at your local Best Buy. The Note 2 is not a mobile phone. It is a television. I have had one up to my face and I don’t like it. Not because I would have to buy new pants with larger pockets to own one, but because it simply lacks original thought. I don’t want to sound like I’m on a total rant, there is a point to this.
In an episode of Louie this summer, Louis C.K. walked off the set of a fictional sitcom based on his own experiences in the TV industry. C.K. was frustrated by the bogus version of life in multi-camera sitcoms — the schlub with a wife out of his league who just nods along agreeably, kids he just can’t relate to, a job with wacky coworkers/friends — and all he wanted was some authenticity. Would it be too much to ask for that schmuck’s hot wife to not go along with his tangents and schemes? Would the show really be worse off if said schmuck had a character arc, learned some lessons, and (gasp) became a decent husband and father? Of course not.
You like soccer right? Well what if, by some crazy means, soccer were actually called football? I know it seems odd to call a game where you ONLY use your feet “football” when there is a perfectly good game where you hardly ever use your feet called “football,” but such is the case in England. Our homeland. The place we come from. We call New York New York because in the UK there is an older place called York. We have New Hampshire because our former country has an older place called Hampshire. Those nutsos are crazy over there and they’re super crazy about football (soccer).
In England there is a league of football called the English Premier League, or EPL. There are 20 teams, most of which are in London (not really, but six teams are located in London which is a fair amount).
Here I was sitting and watching the live broadcast of WWDC and I thought, “Things have really changed with these Apple events.” I don’t want to get all uber-nostalgic with fanboy grandeur or anything, but I do have a comment on certain aspects of the Apple keynote that were completely missing from Monday morning’s presentation of iOS 7. In a word, defense. In a few more words … I know that Tim Cook is not Steve Jobs. I don’t expect him to be. However, when you wield a company like Apple, you don’t have to justify to your audience that you still do incredible things. We know that. The problem is, we expect that. I don’t propose we give a book by Stephen Covey to Tim Cook, I just remember that in the past an Apple keynote felt more like a cult-ish mob rally and less like a formal apology at a public trial.
Saturday Night Live lost two prominent cast members in 2012 when Kristen Wiig and Andy Samberg both left to pursue other projects. Before these two joined the cast (Wiig in 2006 and Samberg in 2005), the show was in a downward spiral. I certainly didn’t watch SNL and no one I knew did either. It wasn’t just that the sketches weren’t funny, they were borderline tedious. Then Wiig and Samberg came on the show, breathing new life into the sketches. These two were fresh and, more importantly, funny. So when Wiig and Samberg both left the show within two months of each other, my first thought was, “Well, I guess I won’t be watching SNL anymore.” Yet here we are almost a year later and I am pleased to say that SNL is still just as hilarious.
When I say that Wiig and Samberg saved SNL, please believe that I honestly mean it. Lets start with Wiig. Tina Fey first introduced the world of comedy to the idea that women are funnier than men in drag, an idea for which we as an audience are very grateful. Wiig further proves that Fey is right. Having seen Wiig’s work on SNL (her Drew Barrymore impression will leave you crying with happiness) as well as her movie Bridesmaids, which she also co-wrote, I am convinced that she is one of the funniest women currently in show business. Her fresh style and laugh-at-herself attitude brought a level of light-hearted fun to SNL that had been missing on the show since the days of Will Ferrel.
2011 didn’t turn out like it was supposed to.
It was supposed to be the year that the electro-Europop ushered in by Lady Gaga completed its rise to total airwave domination. It was supposed to be the year hip-hop gave up trying to be as relevant as it was in the ’00s. It was supposed to be the year rock staged a comeback. But none of those things happened.
I get the feeling that we’ll be talking about this one for a long time.
Back in July, nobody, not even Vince Gilligan himself, could have convinced me that Breaking Bad would be able to top its third season. Equal it? Sure. But for me, its third season was the an apex of dramatic storytelling on television, a milestone that would rarely be paralleled by any future show. Here I am, thirteen weeks later—and I’m eating crow, because they did it again.
Breaking Bad topped itself, and holy **** was it one crazy ******* ride.