COLUMN: "Alex, I'll Take Socialism For $400, Please…"

Jess Jones

Have you ever watched one of those VH1 specials that highlights a child actor who grew up into a dismal failure that has a preferred customer card at the local Malibu rehab? (I’m sure you have, there’s been quite a few.) I’m talking about the programs where you watch and ask yourself, “What the heck happened?” Lately, I feel like CNN and The Post have began running the same sort of programming, only we’re highlighting our beloved Commander-in-Chief and the brainiacs on Capitol Hill.

Doesn’t it make you proud to see that the biggest success of the G8 summit was the priceless moment in which our dear president stood gazing at the hind quarters of a Brazilian intern while other world leaders looked on in amusement? Sure, Obama has been soaring from Kremlin to the Coliseum, but the best thing he could discuss was the reduction of nuclear weapons? Sure, the middle east is still in shambles and the world is facing mass depression, but let’s all step back a decade or two and pretend we’re Gorbachev and Reagan.  My guess is that President Obama was catching up on reruns of 24 and felt he needed to give Jack Bauer a helping hand by trying to reduce the amount of nukes available to those bad guy terrorists.

If that isn’t enough, there seems to be a disconnect between Capitol Hill and the rest of the nation. According to a recent Gallup poll:

• 47 percent of Republicans consider themselves to be more conservative, while only nine percent feel they are more liberal.
• 37 percent of independents consider themselves to be more conservative, while only 19 percent feel they are more liberal.

And this is the kicker:

• 34 percent of Democrats say they have become more conservative over the last few years, while only 23 percent have shifted to a more liberal viewpoint.

So there is a general exodus towards the Right. Hmmm. Sounds to me like we had better be listening up to the masses then? But no-can-do, we’ve got to rescue the economy. Apparently, the answer is spend more money, tax the so-called “rich” and basically blow it on ivory policies anyway. According to The New York Times, House Democrats are going to be knocking on the doors of the wealthiest Americans, asking for a extra tax burden amounting to the whopping sum of $550 billion.

Now, for those of you keeping score at home, let’s take a look at the board: so far, the House has tried to push through a health care bill that was aimed at requiring small business owners to provide health care compensation for both their part- and full-time employees.  Democrats were dancing and singing that the new plan would cost $52 billion over 10 years, but in 2007 alone we spent $2.6 trillion dollars for the same type of health care. How can we cover the price tag for socialized health care if the program will only kick back $52 billion per year? I imagine Newt Gingrich almost fainted when he heard the U.S. was going to make a genius investment like that.

So what are we going to do? How about a new tax! That always works, right?  Like daddy always said, “You don’t spend what you don’t have, unless it’s someone else’s money!” If you’d like to see people receive health care, provide larger tax breaks for the “Ma and Pop’ businesses of America that are already struggling to get by . We need to create incentive for these small businesses to grow and expand, not penalize them for the good jobs that they’re doing; and should this new tax pass, you may see money circulate to the public for a while, but you’ll most likely see an overall rise in unemployment and a continued barrage of small businesses closing their doors. It seems as if we’re all stuck in a bad episode of Saturday Night Live’s version of “Celebrity Jeopardy” and we’re losing more and more with each bad decision. Who knew socialism would be so pricey?

Jess Jones is a conservative political columnist for Rhombus. He always roots for Sean Connery when watching “Celebrity Jeopardy.”