POLITICS: Excuse My Musing (A Piece of Short Fiction)

Written by Jess Jones on . Posted in Politics

Jess Jones

Jess Jones

“Teddy’s gone,” the voice told Nancy Pelosi through her overpriced cellular phone. She smiled. Finally, she had another chance to rally the troops behind her blitzkrieg of a health care bill and “realize the dream” of old Teddy Kennedy. Sure the “Lion of the Senate” was gone. He was the last of one of the most iconic political families in U.S. history; however, in light of the tragedy of his passing, there could be no time lost. She must seize the moment. But how?

As she drafted her statement concerning his passing, she couldn’t help but feel a slight twinge of glee knowing that perhaps this would help win back many of the “fallen” Democrats that she had so earnestly blacklisted for their opposition to her flawless bill. Those cursed Blue Dogs; Who would have thought that even Democrats could think to oppose her? This thought made her dictate more furiously (because, of course, she’d never lay a finger on one of those complex electronic typing machines).

The hour grew later, and Nancy was struggling. She needed a war cry. Her dictation machine nearly short circuited from her long-winded braindump of thoughts about Teddy and her precious bill. Exhausted she sat down and asked her butler to turn on the T.V. for her. She sat as he flipped the channels and came across the good old AMC station. She loved those old time movies.

“Pause there,” she exclaimed. Her butler gave her the remote and left the room.

It was the movie Rudy. She loved this movie (or at least she had heard it was good at one point in time.) She paused and watched little Rudy in the dressing room of the Notre Dame football team. She didn’t care much for football (she didn’t understand the rules), but she watched little Rudy as he paused and looked at a plaque hung in commemoration of the famous words of Knute Rockne. (“Whoever he was,” she thought to herself.)

Little Rudy began to read. Dreary eyed, Pelosi watched in dull interest, trying to stave off the sandman a little longer. But then Rudy’s voice lifted saying, “Sometime, when the team is up against it—and the breaks are beating the boys—tell them to go out there with all they got and win just one for the Gipper,” Nancy’s eyes shot wide open.

“That’s it!” she exclaimed. “We’ll win one for the Gipper… I mean Kennedy. We’ll do it for Teddy. Perhaps he’ll be more useful now than he was alive.”

She hurried to her desk and began hissing her thoughts into the dictation machine. She could almost see herself alongside Rudy, reading that immortal speech by whoever that Knute Rockne guy was. “Win one for Teddy.” This would be priceless.

- – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - -

Now this is not in any way, shape or form an accurate description of the events leading up to the Democrats’ decision to rally support for the health care bill around the passing of Sen. Ted Kennedy, but I’d like to think that this sad excuse for a P.R. rally occurred in a manner similar to the story I just spun for you.

With disapproval ratings on the rise, it’s understandable that Democratic leaders will try anything to bolster the diminishing support for their precious bill. I just flinch at the sight of them prostituting the passing of a fallen comrade to perhaps soften a few calloused conservative hearts.

It’s a last ditch effort to drum up support. It’s smoke and mirrors and nothing more. After all, there’s been an overwhelming consensus that the plan as now proposed is illogical and fiscally damaging to the nation. So why not turn to the pity card? Or better yet, how about we let the noble senator rest and focus on fixing the undesirable bill?

Jess Jones is a conservative political columnist for Rhombus. His editor developed approximately 17 ulcers while reading this column, but opted to publish it nonetheless. Three cheers for free speech!

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