POLITICS: My Asphalt Facial Turned Political

Written by Jess Jones on . Posted in Politics

Jess Jones

Jess Jones

In a fit of stupidity, I landed myself in the emergency room. It wasn’t how I expected to spend my Tuesday evening, but I guess that’s what I get for longboarding after dark down a gritty canyon trail. I sat in the Provo ER giving my personal information, waiting to be treated for my war wounds, counting the number of people that were going to say, “I told you so.” Needless to say, I was embarrassed. I was a statistic.

I guess the good Lord intends to teach us in diverse ways, but it was wonderful to sit and contemplate the hilarity of the situation. I learned humility at the hands of gravity and an unforgiving asphalt facial. I gained an new found appreciation for the blessing of 24-hour medical facilities. I also mused about the political implications of the whole ordeal. Perhaps it wasn’t the best time to think about politics, but I couldn’t help but think of all the woefully uninsured neighbors of mine that had probably visited that same institution. So what if I didn’t have insurance? Luckily I was covered enough to only have to make a co-payment.

My roommate who witnessed my swan dive into the bike trail mentioned that he was glad I bit the dust instead of him. (I don’t blame him.) I remembered he wasn’t insured. So what would I have done if I were in his position? I lay there as they cleaned my scrapes and cuts, thinking of myself storming into the ER bloodied and battered with a printed copy of the Hippocratic oath and demanding that I be attended to regardless, as if I were starring in a whiter version of John Q. I’d like to think that there are special privileges (such as musing) that are granted to trauma victims such as myself.

I sat there while the doctor stitched up my lacerated cranium and decided to quiz him about the whole health care issue. The moment I mention the name “Obama,” I could feel him stick the needle a bit harder into my numbed skull. He expressed his nervousness for not only the public plan but the uncontrolled tort laws that were allowing prosecuting attorneys to suck physicians dry in malpractice lawsuits. This obviously explained why he sent me to and from the X-ray room to examine every aching part of my body. Due to the presence of a cute X-ray technician that was assisting me, I didn’t mind too much; but think for a moment how much we could save by helping protect the doctors just a bit more from the ambulance-chasing thugs that prey on the medical world.

I don’t know whether it was the blow to my skull or just the intoxicating aroma of sanitizer in the ER, but i felt a little giddy to think that I was amidst the medical community that is in such a frenzy over the pending health care reforms. I can’t offer any definitive opinion concerning the issue, but some definite changes need to happen.

Despite my best efforts to remove myself from the gene pool, I’m still here thanks to the capable hands of the over-qualified and under-appreciated doctors in the Provo Health Center.  It’s always interesting to be placed in a new pair of shoes and experience the actual process of receiving medical attention. Needless to say, I witnessed the need to help as many people as possible receive medical attention. Perhaps I don’t feel the federal government should dictate the program nor should they just force employers to foot the bill, but obviously there is something that needs to be done. Until then, hopefully the majority of the American people will either stow their long boards till this bill passes or we all pray for softer asphalt.

Jess Jones is a conservative political columnist for Rhombus. His face hurts.



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