POLITICS: Nobel Prizes for Everyone!

Written by Jess Jones on . Posted in Politics

Jess Jones

Jess Jones

Well, now that everyone has returned to their separate corners, let’s just have a little chat. So Obama won the Nobel Peace prize: woop-dee-doo! He’s joining the illustrious company of our greatest contemporary minds, such as Albert Gore, the father of the World Wide Web, and Jimmy Carter, the modern straw man himself. I’m so outraged!

Honestly, unless I were to really wake up and check my RSS feeds each day to survey the possible Nobel recipients prior to the announcement, there shouldn’t be much reason for any bellyaching from me. In all reality, I woke up the other day and peeked at the Drudge Report and saw that Obama had received the Prize. After picking my jaw up from the floor, I sat half asleep and in my jammies, wondering what the guy did to get a Nobel. I mean, at least Gore made a movie and contributed to the economy with ticket sales and donations to tree-hugger campaigns all over the States.

Then came the blogging and Facebook status updates. I was happy to see that so many others had already tweeted and blogged their disapproval. News agencies around the globe were scrambling to comment on the issue. Apparently there were mixed feelings about this somewhat forgotten award.

Isn’t it funny how we only care about the awards given to those we don’t approve of? (Obviously, we’d feel the same if the Nobel Prize went to Jon Huntsman, Sr. “Oh, Huntsman got the Nobel for curing cancer? That’s outrageous!”) Somehow, the only time most had even heard of the Nobel Prize was when they watched Russell Crowe receive the award (for economics) in A Beautiful Mind. Since then, all we’ve had to say about the prize is how much we disagree with the nominations of our vanguard thinkers like Gore and Obama.

Nevertheless, I do have to tip my hat to Obama. He sure does deserve the award. I mean, if I had spent millions of dollars parading around the world getting scoffed at and catered to, only to be sent packing time and time again without really accomplishing anything, I’d be expecting a pat on the back and a Nobel too! If we’re going to start handing out awards before we see results, then I think Samuel L. Jackson is due for an Oscar for Best Actor anytime now because, after all, he’s worked so hard!

With that, I need to get back to my list of suggestions for deserving Nobel recipients. So far I’ve got Oprah, Richard Simmons, Phil Collins, Chuck Norris, the Pope, the cast of Friends, U2 and David Bowie. After all, they all spread hope in one way or another (Chuck spread more fear, but that must have helped to promote nuclear disarmament, right?) Excuse me while I go brainstorm a few more.

Jess Jones is a conservative political correspondent for Rhombus.

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