Dear fans of the University of Utah,
I know there has been a lot of bad blood between us, but I really want to set the record straight and apologize. I know that I sent out an official apology on Sunday, but I didn’t really get the opportunity to truly express my concern for each of you. I honestly had no idea that you were so sensitive. If I would have known that you were going to be so hurt by what I said, I would have eased off.
I thought, after so many years of hateful speech generated from your fans, that you would be able to handle a little bit in return. I mean you are a bunch of tough people, right? The “outcasts” of the state of Utah? The “hardcore” kids that scoff at the hypocritical “righteous living” of BYU fans? I mean, you guys are so hardcore that you don’t even drink your beer. Once again, I had no idea you were all a bunch of softies.
I also had no idea how much you valued my opinion. I would have assumed that you couldn’t care less about what I say. I mean, usually when someone from your school says something, the BYU fans don’t really care. Like back in 2004 when Morgan Scalley said he had hated the “pricks” from BYU. Or how about when Alex Smith said he hated BYU and that we were the most arrogant people. Paul Kruger and Stevenson Sylvester have made similar remarks, yet I’ve never seen a “Morgan Scalley thinks I’m a prick” t-shirt in Provo. Usually when people can dish it out, they can also take it. I’m sorry I made such a rash assumption.
I am very glad that you took the time to remind me about my imperfections though. I thought no one would see me swearing or trash-talking on the sideline. I must have forgotten about the commitment to the “I will be perfect in every way” Honor Code I signed when I arrived at BYU. Silly me. I promise I will be perfect in the future, because if I’m not then everyone at BYU will also see my imperfections and judge me harshly, because everyone at BYU is perfect.
After seeing how you took my comments, I will think twice about saying anything remotely unkind about your university or fans. I will also inform future quarterback Riley Nelson that he should only use love and kindness when speaking of Utah in the coming years. After I was so mean and abrasive this year, I would hate to see what would happen next year if Riley said anything. Most assuredly there would be another Facebook group formed, and heaven knows that means so much.
Once again, Ute fans, I am so sorry about what I said and that I offended you so greatly. Please find it in your hearts to forgive me.
P.S. I was wondering who actually won the game last Saturday? With all this talk about me and my hateful comments, I have completely forgotten who actually won the game. It sure would be swell if we won. If we did in fact win, that would mean I now have a 2-1 record against you. Does that make me your daddy? I guess I didn’t really perform all that well numbers-wise against you, but the last I checked no one cares that Ben Roethlisberger got statistically outperformed by Kurt Warner in last year’s Super Bowl. Then again, what do I know?
Jake Welch is a sports correspondent for Rhombus. His tongue has recently been permanently planted in his left cheek via surgery.
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