SPORTS: An Open Letter to Ute Fans From Max Hall

Dec 04, 2009 194 Comments by
Max Hall

Max Hall

Dear fans of the University of Utah,

I know there has been a lot of bad blood between us, but I really want to set the record straight and apologize. I know that I sent out an official apology on Sunday, but I didn’t really get the opportunity to truly express my concern for each of you. I honestly had no idea that you were so sensitive. If I would have known that you were going to be so hurt by what I said, I would have eased off.

I thought, after so many years of hateful speech generated from your fans, that you would be able to handle a little bit in return. I mean you are a bunch of tough people, right? The “outcasts” of the state of Utah? The “hardcore” kids that scoff at the hypocritical “righteous living” of BYU fans? I mean, you guys are so hardcore that you don’t even drink your beer. Once again, I had no idea you were all a bunch of softies.

I also had no idea how much you valued my opinion. I would have assumed that you couldn’t care less about what I say. I mean, usually when someone from your school says something, the BYU fans don’t really care. Like back in 2004 when Morgan Scalley said he had hated the “pricks” from BYU. Or how about when Alex Smith said he hated BYU and that we were the most arrogant people. Paul Kruger and Stevenson Sylvester have made similar remarks, yet I’ve never seen a “Morgan Scalley thinks I’m a prick” t-shirt in Provo. Usually when people can dish it out, they can also take it. I’m sorry I made such a rash assumption.

I am very glad that you took the time to remind me about my imperfections though. I thought no one would see me swearing or trash-talking on the sideline. I must have forgotten about the commitment to the “I will be perfect in every way” Honor Code I signed when I arrived at BYU. Silly me. I promise I will be perfect in the future, because if I’m not then everyone at BYU will also see my imperfections and judge me harshly, because everyone at BYU is perfect.

After seeing how you took my comments, I will think twice about saying anything remotely unkind about your university or fans. I will also inform future quarterback Riley Nelson that he should only use love and kindness when speaking of Utah in the coming years. After I was so mean and abrasive this year, I would hate to see what would happen next year if Riley said anything. Most assuredly there would be another Facebook group formed, and heaven knows that means so much.

Once again, Ute fans, I am so sorry about what I said and that I offended you so greatly. Please find it in your hearts to forgive me.

Sincerely,

Max Hall

P.S. I was wondering who actually won the game last Saturday? With all this talk about me and my hateful comments, I have completely forgotten who actually won the game. It sure would be swell if we won. If we did in fact win, that would mean I now have a 2-1 record against you. Does that make me your daddy? I guess I didn’t really perform all that well numbers-wise against you, but the last I checked no one cares that Ben Roethlisberger got statistically outperformed by Kurt Warner in last year’s Super Bowl. Then again, what do I know?

Jake Welch is a sports correspondent for Rhombus. His tongue has recently been permanently planted in his left cheek via surgery.

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  • Mat

    Max Hall is a dork. He probably had his wife write this for him.

  • richard

    this was a waste of my time. facebook has been polluted with this whiner’s face for too long. your article was equally a pollution of this magazine, and you ought to be fired for posting it. byu and utah fans are both incredibly classless. in utah they don’t egg their own coaches, but who am i to say it wont happen in the future. i wasn’t aware that they sold beer at rice-eccles. the hypocrisies of BYU is that they make it look like Utah if full of sinful “beer drinking” people. leave provo, and the entire world drinks beer. i got beer spilled on me at a jazz game. did i go home and cry about it? its only beer. i guess max said what he said because he’s got nothing to lose, and this is his last 15 minutes of fame. he will be a bad memory for BYU and for Utah. last year everybody south cussed him out, now he’s on a pedestal? what kind of fans do that anyway? jazz fans.

    thank you.

  • McKay Coppins

    Brilliant! Will someone please go and post a link to this on utefan.net? I would love to hear their responses.

    • Greg

      @Mat good one – because it obviously wasn’t written by Jake Welch

  • Isaac

    Mat – you are stupid. Of course Max Hall didn’t write this. It was written by Jake Welch as it says on the bottom. And Jake – good job. That’s good stuff man. Go Coogs.

  • Little Willis

    Fantastic!!! Well written…. Any time someone can slam the yewts its alright by me… Sensitive little girls. Go have your mommy change your bandaid, you will all be fine. Enjoy your BBall team, jerkies!!!!

  • YESSSS!!!

    I have to say this is the most brilliantly minded, poetic blog ever written. Thanks for you humility Max. I am so glad it was sincere at not sarcastic.

  • Connor Williams

    No one cares about you. your football career is over and you sucked. Maybe if you were capable of making it to the nfl people would care what you say. but no one does because your a nobody average normal person.

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  • Sasquatch

    yessss!!! i am glad to see that the whole article is a slap in the face to all fans of sports everywhere that get offended but what anyone would say, really is that big of deal. Plus in a couple years no one will remember or should care anymore. Good job Jake, that was amazing.

  • Nice

    Well written Jake. and @richard, you’re a douche. there’s a difference between getting beer spilled on you by an idiot not paying attention, and having beer poured on your wife and family on purpose by stupid, drunk, couldn’t-get-into-a-good-school-so-we-had-to-go-to-the-U ute fans.

  • Skierelmo

    Nice try!! Max Hall doesn’t have time to both cultivate such hate and write this well…… But with those ears???? He probably just heard someone else say it…. in CHINA!!!

  • John

    Ha, every stupid yewt comment further proves your how sensitive and hurt you are by a few words from Max. Besides half of you can’t even recognize who wrote the article – wow. Remedial…just like your football team.

  • Jacob

    Dear Utah Mormons,

    I have a little message I would like to write to you. Your kind young men sacrifice two years of their lives and much of their money to promote a good image for their church, only to return from their missions spending the rest of their lives sabotaging the very image they wished to salvage by being ferocious BYU, Ute, and Jazz fans.

    Do you realize this Ute vs. BYU rivalry effects deeper than your community? You stir up a bad image of hypocrisy and venomous hatred for the entire state, culture, and religion over a thing called football that is supposed to be in fun and good nature. This is highly idealistic, but a strong religious community that cares more (with action) about who said what in a football match comes across as missing the point of religion when we have children starving and war going on outside the little bubble of our lives.

    While the *image* is not true, the image (the majority visible of) you present to the rest of the United States and the world is that you’re a state sharply divided by a good-hearted religion ethics that yet has half the state strongly against it as “Anti-Mormons” (whatever that means) with the other half being pompous and highly prideful “followers” that are more sucked into a culture than the religion of following Jesus’ advice to turn the cheek instead of enrage of action. If you wish to be identified as Christians, you must walk as Christians. That stands for anybody who identifies with Christ. I say this with kindness and openness.

    Experience shows me your attitude justifies in the mind of quicker-evaluating folk that the “mean spiritedness” and “everyone’s out to get us” attitude which these LDS descendants have is the same inherited attitude that got the religion in trouble in the first place, and that the murders and persecutions back and forth were highly justified if LDS Christians never are willing to turn the cheek. This is not right, but it is a very strong perception.

    I am from California, I love every Mormon I know from California, overseas, and every other state I have encountered them, and while I love all of you, it is hard for me to take your religion and culture seriously when the highest concentration of its followers seem to strongly carry the same sword of bigotry that you claim to be attacked with (real or imaginary).

    It is hard to stop a fight, but realize the bickering may degenerate the image you hope to uphold. Take these comments with kindness, I have no hatred intended, but a perspective that may help for those who care about the topic I brought up.

    • Kelsey

      Jacob,
      I appreciate your comments here. Though I might not agree with everything you’re saying, I really do think that a lot of your statement is accurate. I am a mormon studying at BYU, and the intensity of the rivalry has been really overwhelming to me. It is certainly true that behaving in a hateful and judgmental manner is in opposition with our beliefs, and I too wish that we could better represent ourselves as a whole. Then again, I’m a mormon from California ;) .
      Thanks.

  • Chancey

    Hey Jake, err, “Max”: I’m not aware of a single Ute fan you offended. Actually we all think it’s hilarious that you’ve made such an a$$ of yourself.. hence the buzz you’ve been hearing from our camp. Thanks for great the t-shirt fodder…please tell your teammates to keep it coming next year! Take care, and best of luck.

  • Jon

    Wow, there are so many things that could be said…

    How about we all grow up and just stop talking about what some guy said about some people, who then later apologized for what he said. If you’re a Ute, move past it, though I doubt you even care. If you’re anyone else… go worry about your relationship with your parents or something a little more… pertinent to your own life.

  • Wayne

    Tongue in cheek?
    More like head up ass!

  • Wayne

    Moderated comments for an article like this?

    Hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah!

    Keep it classy, Rhombus!

    Hah hah hah hah hah!

  • Robbie

    Chancey… By Keep it coming, do you mean the Wins?

    Scoreboard!

  • Jack

    Wow, I’m amazed anyone even cares about this.

  • Tommy

    This may quite possibly the unwittiest, unfunny, uninteresting and unfulfilling article I have ever read in my entire life. The fact that it is on the internets at all is a huge disservice to the human race. If I was President I would pass down an order for you to be shoved into one of those old timey cannons and shot into outer space to float alone in your blandness until you suffocated from not having any air to fill your dull, boring lungs. I am positive that the fire that burned off of your lame carcass as it re-entered our atmosphere would be the brightest thing to emit from you during your unnecessary existence on this planet. You are a manila envelope glued to a beige wall my non-funny, non-friend…. Congratulations…

  • Andrew

    That was great!!! Please, I can not believe that Ute fans are so put off by this. I mean losing hurts, but isn’t that part of sports? Why look for an excuse to not like BYU? You don’t like us anyway, and it is not because of what Max said. GET OVER IT!!! Try and beat us next year then you can talk about something,

    • Daniel D

      Dear Max, and Jake Welch, you’re both a couple of douchebags.

      Max is nobody’s “daddy,” except for maybe some illegitimate child he may have had before being sent home early from his mission.

      Face it BYU fans, you are just bitter that you have become irrelevant. Every year it’s the same story; start off the year with an impressive win, then fall flat on your face. You’re the perennial self-proclaimed September Champions. You play just well enough to stay on the radar, but when it comes to the big games, you suck ballsack.

      I can handle a 9-3 season every so often. Those two undefeated seasons Utah has had in the last five years are well worth a couple of “down” years (if that’s what you call it). Congratulations on beating a team in the process of rebuilding, with a freshman QB.

      In the meantime, we will see what happens next year. Until then, go ___ yourself, BYU players, fans, coaching staff, and alumni. Utah hates you too, we’re just not retarded enough to say it on television.

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  • McKenzie

    Ok all you frUte cakes, move on. Let’s be honest, its a game. Of course i’m so happy we won, but it almost hasn’t been worth it when all i hear is your crying and sorry lame excuses for why we did. Better luck next year.

  • Scotty

    “In the meantime, we will see what happens next year. Until then, go ___ yourself, BYU players, fans, coaching staff, and alumni. Utah hates you too, we’re just not retarded enough to say it on television.”

    …about as classy as it gets.

  • http://dailypoetryclub.com Mitch

    This is amazing. I really enjoy your work. I think this really points out a lot of the reasons why it is so ridiculous that Ute fans are so upset by this. Keep on with the good writing Jake. @Tommy I think actually that your comment is poorly written crap compared to the masterpiece that we have read here. Maybe you should dazzle us with your skills before you begin criticizing the works of others.

  • RIley

    max is an idiot! we dont care he hates us thats expected. all the BYU fans need to realize that its the way he said it. he said we were classless in the most classless way possible. he is a complete hypocrit. morgan scally and paul kruger. funny he said almost the same thing about arizona where he was supposed to play ball but he didnt cause their fans “threw beer on his family”.

  • adam

    all of you that think max hall really wrote this, you are dumb

  • http://thombusmag A person

    Everything Max Hall has written only helps to confirm why BYU is so badly looked down upon. It is not a school that makes someone who they are. The worse people can come from the best schools and just the reverse is true.
    Let’s stop the hate. When such arrogance and hate, from either side, is demonstrated that person only destroy themselves. Remember you can’t truly say you hate someone or a certain school until you get involved enough to speak for yourself and not go off the rumors of others.

  • http://facebook? Zach

    quite frankly even though Max Hall (2-1 against Yewtah) didn’t write this, its soooooo true. Can’t Utah fans take this after dishing it out? What about Meyer putting the Y logo in toilets in the Ewe facilities? Any Yewtah fan who complains about this is honestly just a SISSY. Get over it.

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